I am not one to say the divorce or custody or even breaking up is an easy thing, quite the opposite. The end of a relationship is stressful and brings out feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, jealously and many other crappy emotions. But when there are children involved, I think parents have a higher standard to follow.
After all, the children never asked for the divorce or the fights or the separate houses. In fact statistics show that if you ask a child of a separated or divorced couple what they want most, they typically answer, “that my Mom and Dad will get back together.”
Many children blame themselves for their parents breaking up. They think that they did something to cause the problems between their Mom and Dad and often the children never tell their parents they feel this way. They suffer in silence.
A child should feel love for both parents. If a parent says negative things about the other parent, a child takes that personally. If you think about it, a child is made up of both parents, so by attacking a parent, the child feels attacked as well.
So I ask you, or really I beg you, next time you are feeling like exploding or arguing with your ex or soon to be ex and the children are around, even if they are in the other end of the house, DON’T DO IT. The damage you might do to your child is far greater than you might ever imagine.
I encourage people to seek out counseling if they can’t “keep it together” for the sake of the children, even if they don’t plan on reconciling. We have one Judge that says to parents, “even though you might not live together, you have to deal with each other for the rest of your children’s lives.” And I ask you, isn’t it worth it to have your child think that they have the best parents in the world? I think so.
Until my next little divorce blog………… Sue
Susan Moore Daubner, Esq.
New York Divorce & Family Law Attorney
Ziff Law Firm
Elmira, New York
sdaubner@zifflaw.com
